Perhaps it's just another part of an adolescent's transition period, but many times when I am revising so hard for the exams, I find myself suddenly stopping, and thinking to myself, who am I kidding, why am I working this hard for a grade that would probably not matter at all. And so what if I get good grades? Graduate out of school with honours and proceed to the job market to live yet another normal life that even people with only decent grades would have? Really? Is that the best I can come out with? I'm so disillusioned! I'm working for nothing! And that's the point I tend to stop revising, relieve a great sigh, and take a short break.
I don't think I'm being pessimistic but optimism can only get you so far. Being too optimistic really misses the point. Reality isn't as wondrous as an optimist sees it. Far from it.
ARgh! I guess I'm just a little frustrated with the talent that I don't find in me. My anger lies in my unacceptance of my mentality towards exams and my lack of ability to do well. Since young, I've always been taught to revise till the death for exams. It's not something I would willingly do, but the mentality has engraved itself so deep within me that I can't help but comply.
Perhaps I need to rethink my life. I shouldn't be doing this for the grades. I should be doing this because I enjoy the process of working hard, learning, and knowing that I enjoyed it.
Or, as past experience proves it, I just need a warm sleep tonight and I'll be mentally healthy as ever again tomorrow morning. And hopefully by then I can think positively and enjoy everything I do again, regardless of whether or not I actually like doing it.
I guess I really do need a break. I truly long for the day my exams end and the winter break starts.
That aside, winter in Sydney is great. Some photos around the Darlington side of the campus:
1 comment:
funky chairs. are they comfy?
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